Friday, August 28, 2015

Full Circle

Sometimes It take a catastrophe Of anevent , to shake us back into our Full Reality.
Ive never been one for tragedy, But I do Love The Essence Of a Phoenix; What comes after the tragedy.
Some things are self inflicted, Like holding the poison that you see is labeled, and still drinking it. Im not blaming the poison for this discomfort, but boy is the Tastte and effect An awakening.
I guess you could say I never really Lost my voice, just set it aside for my Duty.
Sacred Holy Path, and How could I have ever forgotten the Sacred Path Of Self Love and Healing.
 As I sit here with a Razor In my lap, and marks on my arm- I cant help but Feel whole in the Doing of everything, Although, From my observations & Experiences , the self harm in itself is the Re-creation of Reality. For some sick twisted reason, self harm is comforting. I havent had the urge in Years, Like since High school..
But as Old wounds are flashed through my mind, Mixed with the new - I cant help but remember the calm I felt as a razor sliced me . Its like , Reality can hit you like a bus, and when the Shutting down begins, the pain is what keeps you in check. It shows you that with the pain there is awakening. " This is reality, You do not wish to feel these emotions, here, let me wake you up."

Im sure the razor speaks different things to different people, But for me, It was always a Way to make sure I felt my Reality . It feels a bit like Backwards progress, But I always knew the truth. The scapegoat of the razor Spoke to me so clearly in my time of need. Abraham-hicks always says that wherever we are ,whatever we are doing , is in vibrational Proximity of what is serving us in that exact moment. This is a low Fucking Setting of Reliving the past.  Physics says that the past present and future all happen at the same time, Its no wonder the truths are mixed. The Signs, the angels say, the signs. I suppose I could choose to heal from this, and that is probably best. That, although the pain is significantly Real, I do not wish to feel the sting in my heart , so the razor speaks to me.

 For now, I suppose the reality will have to sting- I mean, really, how am I to think that its going to be all Rainbows and Sunshine. Life CAN be perfect, but it can also be tough. That is the lesson isnt it, to hear , see and Feel All the realities at once. What a Paradox and What A joke. Living in all dimensions at once, is enough to make anyone's head explode.
For the Truth knows itself, and sometimes words just dont do justice. Love of a path so defined, and I must have known there would be Inevitable pain- I just wasnt aware that it would bring the truths of what seems 10000 years ago.
The person I learned self harm from, was the First person,  I loved the Most. The person who taught me this, did not mean to, but showed me through their pain. I was not understanding, I wasangry. I couldnt understand how Someone could allow themselves to self harm, and then I tried it. I remember it Clear as day- The first time I ever Was awoken to the sadness of self harm. You see, for some people sadness comes in a package of Depression or Lethargy, But for me - it comes in waves of anger and Hate .
 A Defense mechanism none the less .I dont really wish to be angry at my sadness, I wish to be sad at it.
All things are fleeting and even this will pass, I am just mind boggled at the desires sometimes & I love the gratification of feeling whole .Another paradox , have we then.
The pain might be real, but so Is the Connection to healing. Life feels so much different now, as  compared to even yesterday. My Realities are coinciding with my truths, every single one of them. The Divine love I can feel is Always so amazing. even when I forget I have the connection - it is there. Waiting for me .
A Healer of my own reality; the creator of my own reality , none the less.

How did I ever deny myself to feel true sadness, and I dont meant the " im stuck" sadness, but the deep "Your heart is now being re-built" Sadness.
Ive sort of missed feeling this much connection to myself- For living in Ignorance never suited me for very long. The truth is always speaking to me, even If I didn't wish to see it. Bless the gifts I've been given by heaven and Bless All those who need face their Full truths.
The reality of Realities tells me that we all feel pain ,we all feel happiness.
We Feel it all, and this is the perfect example of the human experience. So comforting is the ability to feel my actual sadness , instead of anger .
Always One thing To know the truth , and another to Execute it ; But when the Truth Must come outtt, It must come outt.
Choosing words and Choosing our battles for the sake of sanity, is vital for me right now . Some things are better left un touched , and others are better said when worded from perspective instead of blame .
There is so much I do not understand and Alas I do know the Consequence of my choices. How can I feel No anger toward the situation, only sadness that the truth is what it is. I so wished to believe to Blittering Idiocy Of what was created, but The truth sung to me the entire time.
 I Call this Progress, as In Seeing My own Choice ignorance. What a fool and What Everrr. Lol I knew the truth , and that Is what I saw all along.
 my Own Intuition Has never failed me, and for this I am Grateful beyond life.
How worn out I am from running in this rat race, and now I am retiring myself. I tried , I did, but this is not mine & I do not Wish for it , even as a Small Sample.
Forgiveness is Inevitable and I know this, but The sadness will be alive and relevant .

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